that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If its not for food we ain't going out.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
