Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
