Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
