Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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