Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
