I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize