this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
