A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
