I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize