I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
