This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
