Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
