it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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