My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
