I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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