I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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