I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
