And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I need a burrito and a hug.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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