Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
