He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
