dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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