Apparently you make a good broom.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
