The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
