I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
