Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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