If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
