im six kinds of drunk right now
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
