how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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