About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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