their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
