Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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