I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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