Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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