My first STD was from a foam party
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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