Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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