went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
honey bunches of taint.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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