I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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