Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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