so explain again why im purple
no
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
