Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
