Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
