You just made me feel so damn special
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my shit smells like andre
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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