before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
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