you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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