I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
