i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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