the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
