sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I need water and some morals
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
