I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
