I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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