Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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