My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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