id be glad to
I need to stop coming to work sober
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
