he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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