did you get engaged???
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
