do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
