I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?