Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
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She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
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I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU