I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
