so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
