Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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