dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
this will be a night to untag.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?