Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
