Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
