i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
