look no pants
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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