im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I need water and some morals
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
