Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
