Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
