i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
be right there i have to get my cape
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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