It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
how does that bad decision feel?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
