Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
